Category: Therapy

Letting Go of Someone

The process of letting go of someone you love is one of life’s most painful experiences. When you have invested a considerable amount of time and emotional energy in someone, the prospect of living without them may be unthinkable.

You may look back on the memories you shared, the plans you made, and feel nothing but psychic (mental)agony. If you are newly broken up, envisaging a new future may feel close to impossible. You may find yourself ruminating on what you could have done differently, the arguments you may have had,  and the things you regret saying.

Every relationship is unique, and there are many reasons why cutting ties may be the kindest solution for all parties. Maybe you discovered as time went on that your values and dreams did not align. At first you may have hoped that you could overcome your differences, but in the end they part. Sometime, love just isn’t enough  to drive  you  and you come to the sad conclusion that it’s time  to part ways. Perhaps you love one another and  even revel in your differences, but seem unable to  communicate or resolve conflict. Maybe you had to face the facts. What  are you really releasing when you let go?  Letting go of a person involves letting go of hope. We may have believed this person to be our soulmate, or at least someone upon whom we could rely to stick around for a long time. It can be tremendously difficult to face the stark reality that we need to carve out a new path for ourselves, and allow the other person to do the same.

You may be feeling lonely, even when surrounded by friends and family who want to comfort you. If you can, allow yourself to be nourished by their support.  Taking the momentous decision to let go of someone you love is a brave step. In doing so, you are proving to yourself that you are capable of creating your own happiness, and that you do not need to rely on someone else to make you feel as though life is worth living. In evaluating your relationship, deciding that you would be best off apart and then letting them go, you are demonstrating that you have faith in nature/ God . Again as you let go of that person you might come to the understanding that your relationship might be toxic. What are you really releasing when you let go? You are releasing the negativity that has been accumulating inside you in that relationship. Set your self free, try to find opportunities around you . Try to create opportunity.At times we need to step out of our comfort zone, so take baby steps. By doing this you will be really surprised to find your hidden potential. I understand it’s tough, but it is not impossible.  Why letting go can herald a beautiful new beginning .Letting go of harmful relationships allows you to move forwards a brighter future. Remember the old saying, “If you love someone, let them go?” If you look deep within yourself, you will realize that in freeing yourself and the other person from a relationship that is holding you both back, you are helping two people to create a happier, more authentic life.

In this way, letting go of someone you love can be an act of supreme care and kindness. Every relationship can teach us something, and occasionally the whole purpose of a relationship may come only when it ends. Although it may feel as though your world is ending when you break up with someone you love, over time you will realize that you are merely embarking on a new beginning. Let the lessons you have learned from your interactions with this person serve to guide you in forming healthier relationships in the future, and rest assured that you can and will find love again. See this painful period as a step closer to getting what you really need and want from life.

Losing someone we love is like a part of our heart being pulled out of our body & we can never be the same. We can however, go on ~ at our own pace, and if someone walks by…….

Dr F. Mamsa MD

Mindfulness

Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way;

On purpose,
in the present moment, and
non-judgmentally.

 

Paying attention “on purpose”

Its relatively a new technique whereby by paying attention to the current situation and by asking why is it happening,  one cant solve mental anguish of one is undergoing depression, anxiety or other existential issues.

First of all, mindfulness involves paying attention “on purpose”. Mindfulness involves a conscious direction of our awareness. We sometimes  talk about “mindfulness” and “awareness” as if they were interchangeable terms, but that’s not a good habit to get into. I may be aware I’m irritable, but that wouldn’t mean I was being mindful of my irritability. In order to be mindful I have to be purposefully aware of myself, not just vaguely and habitually aware. Knowing that you are eating is not the same as eating mindfully.

Let’s take that example of eating and look at it a bit further. When we are purposefully aware of eating, we are consciously being aware of the process of eating. We’re deliberately noticing the sensations and our responses to those sensations. We’re noticing the mind wandering, and when it does wander we purposefully bring our attention back.

When we’re eating unmindful, we may in theory be aware of what we’re doing, but we’re probably thinking about a hundred and one other things at the same time, and we may also be watching TV, talking, or reading — or even all three! So a very small part of our awareness is absorbed with eating, and we may be only barely aware of the physical sensations and even less aware of our thoughts and emotions.

Because we’re only dimly aware of our thoughts, they wander in an unrestricted way. There’s no conscious attempt to bring our attention back to our eating. There’s no purposefulness.

This purposefulness is a very important part of mindfulness. Having the purpose of staying with our experience, whether that’s the breath, or a particular emotion, or something as simple as eating, means that we are actively shaping the mind.

Here are a few basic things that we can do to practice mindfulness.

 

1. Start a Gratitude and Self-love Journal

One part of mindfulness that we neglect is to spend time reflecting on is those positive moments and circumstances in our lives. It is so easy to get into a habitual mindset of all that we must worry about and all that is wrong — nothing could be more destructive.

There are a couple of things you can do about this. First, put a sign someplace prominent with the word “Gratitude” on it. Place it where you will see it every day, like the refrigerator. Make it big and colorful enough that you will notice it.

The second thing you can do is keep a positivity journal. Every night, take a few minutes and write just one or two things that made you happy that day, one or two things that you were grateful for, one or two things that you did that made someone else happy. When you are especially low or cannot think of anything, start reading the other pages.

 

2. Squeeze in a Short Meditation and Some Breathing Exercises During the Day

Meditating is not that difficult to learn. According to QuietKit, it can be something as simple as closing your eyes, getting your body quiet, and focusing on your breathing. One of the pieces of advice given to job candidates before they go in for an interview is to take several deep breaths. This is so calming.

During periods of great stress or anxiety or anger, stop. Close your eyes, take those deep breaths, and with each exhale, picture that negative feeling leaving your body. This will prevent you from acting impulsively and will “connect” you with your better self — someone who does not get upset, nervous, worried, or lash out at others. Negativity also impacts your health, especially your immune system. Don’t do this to yourself.

 

3. Increase Your Awareness

Ask yourself at several points throughout your day how you are feeling. Why is that feeling in the pit of your stomach? What is really bothering you? What is the reason for your lack of ease? When you can identify the real causes of your uneasiness, you can tackle them and counter them with thoughts of peace, with one of those quick meditations, with a happy memory, or by doing something randomly nice for someone else.Getting rid of negativity is something that we must push ourselves to do every day.

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4. Master the Art of People Watching

This is fun and a wonderful diversion. And it develops some pretty important traits — observational skills, empathy, and great insight. When we observe others, we become much more accepting and non-judgmental, and when we can lose our need to judge others, we gain more peace.

 

5. Stop Rushing

This is very difficult for what we identify as Type “A” personalities — the people who are driven, the workaholics, the people who must speed through every day to get just a bit more accomplished. Of course, there are times when we must hurry. There are appointment times to keep, there are kids to get somewhere on time, and there are others counting on us to get something done. But to develop this as a habit means that we do not stop, breathe, go within, and get ourselves “grounded” with important priorities — peace, awareness of what is positive in our lives, and loving and doing for others.

Learning to slow down takes practice, and, yes, there are apps for that. A recent study conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health identified what these researchers believe are the best mindfulness apps that will help people slow down and listen to themselves. The apps that received the highest scores based upon specific factors all included the following:

  • Attention to breathing and breathing exercises
  • Body scans
  • Seated meditations (especially helpful at work)
  • Meditations through walking
  • Sending thoughts of love to the self and to others
  • Letting go of negative thoughts and feelings
  • Visualizations of the self as geographical features (e.g. mountains, lakes)

Other features included timers and reminders, which some find helpful. One free guided meditations for beginners that includes many of these features is QuietKit. If you are a beginner, this is an excellent place to start.

 

6. Become a Better Listener and Communicator

One of the great things that mindfulness accomplishes is that we become aware of the feelings of others as well as our own. When we do this, we are more willing to listen. Practicing the art of listening also means asking the questions that encourage others to express themselves in honest ways. It means developing trustful relationships with others and valuing them, though their views, principles, and values may be very different. When we do this, we open our hearts and minds. And our mindfulness of others improves cooperation, collaboration, and acceptance of one another.