In my clinical practice often see clients who develop fear or phobia of death. I usually want to ask them as to what the fear is all about and in one way or the other I do ask. The most common answer I get is the fear of end of this beautiful life.
My very close friend , TV actress Yesmeen Ismael died of ovarian cancer more then a decade ago. I remember my conversations with her.” Faisal it’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 43 years of age. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family .I wanted my son and daughter to get married and have lots of kiddies around me. That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right”. Each day of Yesmeen’s life brought her closer to the end.
I am in my 40s now. I but I am prepared to go( nothing is wrong with me so don’t freak out). It’s just that I’m ready. Though I love my life. I am happy and have achieved quite a bit of what I wanted .I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands. I know I have to go. Life is finite. The fact is that we ( most of us) are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability. When I want to talk about death to my clients it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us. I wish and want people to stop worrying so much about the end and the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.
We humans generally believe that money can provide us happiness and equate success to the amount of money we have. Perhaps what we have forgotten is that all this money, all the materialistic things we have acquired, all the superficial friends we have who are attracted to us because of our status will be left behind. To me success is contentment and peace of mind. Besides this , I would also be contented if I could do what ever I could do for the afterlife.
Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days. Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs,
Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. |t’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to cany on about it and negatively effect other people’s days. Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath , look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; ( no matter they are or they are not) just admire the creation of nature, It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that – Let all that negativities go.. Believe you me you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insigniﬁcant when you look at life as a whole. As we age and as most of us don’t take care of our selves, we witness our body waste away right before our eyes with nothing that we can do about it. Yes we can start taking care of it but we can’t get our youth back. As we age, it indicates that life has an end , and what ever materialistic things that we have collected will be left behind.
Build memories not materials. Maybe buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewelry for the next event. No-one remembers what materialistic thing u gave when, what one remembers is what kind deed u did at what time as that feels good and leaves memories.
If you wanna do something for your dear one, take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Perhaps plan a friend/ family picnic. Maybe buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them. Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting for you to come. You will gain respect if you give respect. Good karma begets good. This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Evel), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do .
Get amongst nature. Tryjust enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else. Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? l’ve never understood this about certain people. Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises. Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy.
My friends, you will not get this life again. Make the most of it. Invest less on materialistic things and invest more on memories and kind deeds. Some of you might not agree with me and this concept today, but maybe years down the lane. Take care.
Dr F. Mamsa MD