Category: Self-improvement

What is the difference b/w a Sociopath and a Physcopaths?

Psychopath and sociopath are popular psychology terms to describe violent monsters born of our worst nightmares. Think Hannibal Lecterin in the movie, Silence of the Lambs (1991), Norman Bates in the movie, Psycho(1960) and Annie Wilkes in the movie Misery (1990). In making these characters famous, popular culture has also burned the words used to describe them into our collective consciousness.

Most of us, fortunately, will never meet a Hannibal Lecter, but psychopaths and sociopaths certainly do exist in our society. And they hide among us. Sometimes as the most successful people in society because they’re often cruel, insensitive and have no soft feelings from inside and superficially ( in front of the others ) they are very charming while having little or no regard for needs of others. If they want their work done, they would be the sweetest and most charming person but as soon as their work is done, they lose their interest in you.

These are known as “successful” psychopaths, as they have a tendency to perform premeditated (pre planned) crimes with calculated risk. Or they may manipulate someone else into breaking the law while keeping them safely at a distance. They’re master manipulators of other peoples’ feelings but are unable to experience emotions themselves.
Sound like someone you know? Your boyfriend? Your husband? You’re in laws and for that matter your very own government. Well, heads up. You do know one; at least one. In the western societies, they may come in somewhere between 0.2% and 3.3% of the population. However in Pakistan, just look around yourself and you will get an answer.
If you’re worried about yourself, you can take an informal online quiz to find out, but before you click on that quiz let me tell you that you’re not a psychopath or sociopath. If you were, you probably wouldn’t be interested in taking that test.
Let’s say you have a personality flaw, you just wouldn’t be that self-aware or concerned about it that you have character flaws. And even if you would know about your personality flaw, you would be least interested in correcting it. At times both psychopathy and sociopathy are interchangeable names however the term is known as “antisocial personality disorders” stands more for psychopaths, which are long-term mental and personal health conditions.
What’s the difference?
1- Psychopaths and sociopaths share a number of characteristics, including a lack of remorse or empathy for others, a lack of guilt or ability to take responsibility for their actions, a disregard for laws or social conventions, and an inclination to violence. A core feature of both is a deceitful( being a fraud) and manipulative nature. But how can we tell them apart?
Sociopaths are normally less emotionally stable and highly impulsive ( they just jump into getting things they want)– their behavior tends to be more erratic( not well planned) than psychopaths. When committing crimes – either violent or non-violent – sociopaths will act more on compulsion. And they will lack patience, giving in much more easily to impulsiveness and lacking detailed planning.
Psychopaths, on the other hand, will plan their crimes down to the smallest detail, taking calculated risks to avoid detection. The smart ones will leave few clues that may lead to being caught. Psychopaths don’t get carried away in the moment and make fewer mistakes as a result. If they get caught, they will make another plan and avoid the mistakes that they did this time so in the future they don’t get caught.
2-Both act on a continuum of behaviours, and many psychologists still debate whether the two should be differentiated at all. But for those who do differentiate between the two, one thing is largely agreed upon: psychiatrists use the term psychopathy to illustrate that the cause of the anti-social personality disorder is hereditary. Sociopathy describes behaviours that are the result of something lacking in nurturing a child, lack of teaching what is right or what is wrong, abuse and/or neglect in childhood.
Psychopaths are born and sociopaths are made. In essence, their difference reflects the nature versus nurture debate.
There’s a particularly interesting link between serial killers and psychopaths or sociopaths – although, of course, not all psychopaths and sociopaths become serial killers. And not all serial killers are psychopaths or sociopaths.
Extensive investigation and studied were conducted by America’s Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and it has been noted that certain traits shared between known serial killers and these anti-social personality disorders. These include predatory behaviour(for instance, Ivan Milat, who hunted and murdered his seven victims); also sensation-seeking (think hedonistic killers who murder for excitement or arousal, such as 21-year-old Thomas Hemming who, in 2014, murdered two people just to know what it felt like to kill); lack of remorse; impulsivity; and the need for control or power over others (such as Dennis Rader, an American serial killer who murdered ten people between 1974 and 1991, and became known as the “BTK (bind, torture, kill) killer”).
3-A textbook psychopath, ( that is the ones described in books) would, If a psychopath gets caught or if their plan is sabotaged, will go on to kill again or continue their crime again unless they are in prison or in jail from which they cannot get out. Whereas if sociopaths are caught, they might have remorse, they can be treated with medication and psychotherapy and they will learn that perhaps what they did was wrong. But, would u like to trust such a person again? I leave this question to you to answer it.
In my opinion – sociopaths are much more common in our society. They might not necessarily take lives( unless they r caught in action like motorbike guys who shoot if what they want is not given).
In the end, does the distinction between a psychopath and sociopath matter? They can both be dangerous and even deadly, the worst wreaking havoc with people’s lives. Or they can spend their lives among people who are none the wiser for it.
What I want you to understand from this article is that in today’s Pakistan, not everyone can be trusted. Your boy friend, your husband, your boss or your in laws might come across very charming but who they actually are, you might find later. It is always better to get to know the people before you join ties with them.

Gossip – why do we do it?

Gossip – why do we do it?

The person who is laughing out loud, capturing the attention of everyone in the room while gossiping about someone is not as happy as she /he seems.

From the outside that person might appear super strong, very popular, interesting and in full control but if you peaked inside his/her mind at the time that person was gossiping you would have found things that you would have never expected to find.

You would have found low self-esteem, jealousy, envy, inadequate as a human being, frustration, anger and weakness. Let’s check out some of the factors and facts why people gossip:

1.Culturally in our country everyone gossips, and in a malicious way.

2.Previously it was assumed that women would gossip but men gossip as much hence gossip is not confined to a gender

  1. Most of our elders gossiped hence it’s not considered wrong as we have seen them doing it and most of them have not thought us that gossip is wrong. Although it is very wrong.
  2. Why do they have it and I don’t. I couldn’t do anything at that time, now I will tear that person here – a gossiper’s mentality.
  3. I am worthy, believe me!! – a gossiper’s strategy.

6- I am jealous or envious – In a gossiper’s mind

7- This is the way I can create my acceptance.

  1. No, it’s not related to boredom. It’s a habit.

9-I’m right about that person. I am right and person do have flaws that I / we can make fun of.

10-  how dare she proves me wrong!!! Now it’s my turn.

11- how dare is she or he successful in life. Let me show them that their real flaws by telling everyone about their flaws

12 -at times gossip mongers spread stories which are totally untrue but they have a make belief system that they are right and they should tell everyone.

More things to be noted about these individuals are:

Basically, it’s about not considering and accepting that “gossip” is wrong but they think that this is a time to prove that everyone else is wrong.

A lot of people are not happy looking at other person’s success, love, achievement and need a moment to spread venom against them and when a few toxic people get together, shredding another human being becomes the easiest.

Have you come across people in big settings who are doing politics and have groups, that is because they don’t have the potential to go up the ladder by themselves and so they think they should not let anyone else grow too.

Facebook has become a medium to talk about others and specially if the chat is open to everyone. Here all the toxic minded people get together, and support each other’s toxic mindset. At times these people support each other just for the sake of being supportive.

Most importantly, gossiping about others is also because their own lives probably empty and have nothing constructive to talk about (Art, Literature, Self-Growth, History and they do not have any Hobbies) hence they talk about others.

A jealous person will hear only selected part of what the other person said. They would then manipulate, add a lot of false statements and spread the news.

Even educated people have started doing negative gossiping about others just because they need to bad mouth or they want to defame others.

The main thing is we should abstain from what is wrong. Just keep in mind, if one person gossips about others in front of you, she can gossip about u to others as well.

Focus on self-growth, focus on evolving as a better human being and becoming a better person in life should be the aim.


How to grow as human beings

One of the most deflating feelings to our self worth and life paths is stagnancy. We can float through life as though we know enough, and for some, that is sufficient. Some of the greatest moments in our life revolve around learning something, no matter how small it may be. The light-bulb moments we all encounter when learning something new light up our lives with the hope that there is always more. That is why remaining stagnant can often feel dark, and lonely.

To learn is to grow. The taller our knowledge, the closer we are to the sun. Our lives must remain bright so that our minds can be bright as well. To assume that we know enough would be dim, because knowledge is the fuel that lights our minds, keeping us aware and alert.

As this concept applies to all things secular, it also applies to spiritual pursuit and personal growth, relationships, and self worth. A man may believe that he is educated beyond belief and is smarter than those around him, but only the truly great understand that isn’t the case. We have the opportunity to learn from each person we encounter, no matter age nor education. A sharp mind may be filled with experiences from it’s own life, but can not forget that other minds hold experiences his own will never encounter. Relationships help us learn not only through love and friendship, but through experiences and insights we could not see ourselves. Someone out there, right now is experiencing something you can’t even fathom, and to rule out the idea that you could potentially meet them and learn from them would keep you from learning and sparking that light in your mind. It is true that relationships and experiences with those you love are truly the greatest opportunities to thrive.

One of the problems with the society we live in today is our ability to lead others to believe that they know everything about us.

We are infinite. Personal growth makes us leave something behind. Don’t just drift in life, absorb knowledge and leave a mark.

How to be optimistic

In these turbulent times, it may be a struggle to maintain a glass half full view of life. A research just released by a New York based company indicated that most humans came out of 2016 feeling pretty discouraged. It indeed was a tough year for some of us however, a lot of those surveyed said they expect their own lives to improve in 2017. If you are among this majority, it may serve you well. A growing body of research indicates that optimism — a sense everything will be OK — is linked to a reduced risk of developing mental or physical health issues as well as to an increased chance of a longer life. One of the largest such studies was led by researchers Dr. Kaitlin Hagan and Dr. Eric Kim at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health.

When you’ve been wronged, feelings of anger and a sense of injustice can run deep — and can be hard to shake. Even if you know that forgiving could help, doing it sometimes seems impossible. But the truth is, forgiveness has helped many people to move on from similar situations. So, it’s worth considering. To be clear, forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting the past. It is also not about letting someone off the hook for the consequences of their actions. Whether you forgive or not does not have to change your efforts to seek justice through the legal system, if that’s relevant to your situation. Instead, forgiveness is about freeing yourself from your struggles and finding peace.

Forgiveness is a Choice. Uncovering negative feelings: The first step in forgiveness is to honestly examine (as objectively as possible) the true nature of the offense and who is responsible, the direct consequences of the offense, and the various ramifications of the offense. It can take a lot of work to acknowledge and process feelings, such as anger, betrayal, hurt, fear, or guilt. Other issues you may need to consider are how the offense has affected your life, your sense of safety in the world, and your perception of justice.

One of the largest such studies was led by researchers Dr. Kaitlin Hagan and Dr. Eric Kim at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. Their team analyzed data from 70,000 women in the Nurses’ Health Study, and found that women who were optimistic had a significantly reduced risk of dying from several major causes of death over an eight—year period, compared with women who were less optimistic. The most optimistic women had a 16% lower risk of dying from cancer; 38% lower risk of dying from heart disease; 39% lower risk of dying from stroke; 38% lower risk of dying from respiratory disease; and 52% lower risk of dying from infection. Yes, you can acquire optimism. Even if you consider yourself pessimist, there’s hope. Dr. Hagan notes that a few simple changes can help people improve your outlook on life. Previous studies have shown that optimism can be instilled by something as simple as “having people think about the best possible outcomes in various areas of their |ives,”she says. The following may help you see the world through rosier glasses:

  1. Accentuate the positive. Keep a journal. In each entry, underline the good things that have happened, as well as things you’ve enjoyed and concentrate on them. Consider how they came about and what you can do to keep them coming.
  2. Eliminate the negative. If you find yourself ruminating on things or events , actively stop yourself.
  3. Uncovering negative feelings: The first step in forgiveness is to honestly examine your own feelings and letting go of things you cannot control.
  4. Be easier on yourself. Self-compassion is a characteristic shared by most optimists. You can be kind to yourself by taking good care of your body, eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Take stock of your assets and concentrate on them. Finally, try to forgive yourself for past transgressions (real or imagined) and move on.
  5. Learn mindfulness. Adopting the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment and accepting it without judgment can go a long way in helping you deal with unpleasant events. If you need help, many health centers now offer mindfulness training. There are also a multitude of books and videos to guide you. Related Information: Positive Psychology: Harnessing the power of happiness,… m Share Print . Print Related Posts: Health benefits of hiking: Raise your heart rate and your… Being part of a walking group yields wide—ranging health… How simply moving can benefit your mental health The latest ways to relieve the burden of decision—making others take responsibility , that is delegate . It can take a lot of work to acknowledge and process feelings, such as anger, betrayal, hurt, fear, or guilt. Other issues you may need to consider are how the offense has affected your life, your sense of safety in the world, and your perception of justice.
  6. Deciding to forgive: This decision will probably only come after you realize that your current reactions are hurting you and that you want to stop the pain. Then you must be open to the idea that forgiveness offers a way out of that pain. So, you need to ask yourself, “Am I ready to begin the path of forgiveness?” Working toward understanding the offending person: You can start changing how you feel by learning to see the person who hurt you differently. The more you can understand their experience, the more you will see that person as a person — not just as bad or mean. This can be extremely uncomfortable, to say the least. The more awful the act, the more likely that the offender was driven by pain or emotional distress. Understanding and relating to that experience is itself painful, so many people retreat to simply seeing the offender having malicious intentions, or even as a monster.

In addition, working toward forgiveness means that you need to fully face your own experience of how the offending act has harmed you. This takes great courage, emotional strength, and commitment. Discovery and release: Once you can truly understand the offending person as a human being with human flaws, then you will experience empathy and even compassion. You may also find meaning and purpose in having unjustly suffered. For instance, some women who were victims of domestic violence have found meaning in being advocates for others in such circumstances. importantly, in this phase, you will realize you are not alone in unjustly suffering, and you will find that forgiveness gives you a sense of freedom.

In the end all I ask you is to think, constant rumination, is it providing u with any positive energy? Or that if you put the matter aside and think that you cannot control your past, what you can control is your present and your future. Improve your current by putting all the negativity aside and start seeing your glass half full. Your future depends on your current choices, so why not make a choice keeping bad experiences aside , yet learn a lesson to not make the same mistake again. Just keep in mind that the word ” impossible” can be broken down to ” IM Possible” and start a new day. Let bygone be bygone, it’s all under the bridge. Tomorrow is a new day and make the most of tonight. As this time will never come again, so take life in a positive way. All the best for your future endeavors.


Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way;

On purpose,
in the present moment, and


Paying attention “on purpose”

Its relatively a new technique whereby by paying attention to the current situation and by asking why is it happening,  one cant solve mental anguish of one is undergoing depression, anxiety or other existential issues.

First of all, mindfulness involves paying attention “on purpose”. Mindfulness involves a conscious direction of our awareness. We sometimes  talk about “mindfulness” and “awareness” as if they were interchangeable terms, but that’s not a good habit to get into. I may be aware I’m irritable, but that wouldn’t mean I was being mindful of my irritability. In order to be mindful I have to be purposefully aware of myself, not just vaguely and habitually aware. Knowing that you are eating is not the same as eating mindfully.

Let’s take that example of eating and look at it a bit further. When we are purposefully aware of eating, we are consciously being aware of the process of eating. We’re deliberately noticing the sensations and our responses to those sensations. We’re noticing the mind wandering, and when it does wander we purposefully bring our attention back.

When we’re eating unmindful, we may in theory be aware of what we’re doing, but we’re probably thinking about a hundred and one other things at the same time, and we may also be watching TV, talking, or reading — or even all three! So a very small part of our awareness is absorbed with eating, and we may be only barely aware of the physical sensations and even less aware of our thoughts and emotions.

Because we’re only dimly aware of our thoughts, they wander in an unrestricted way. There’s no conscious attempt to bring our attention back to our eating. There’s no purposefulness.

This purposefulness is a very important part of mindfulness. Having the purpose of staying with our experience, whether that’s the breath, or a particular emotion, or something as simple as eating, means that we are actively shaping the mind.

Here are a few basic things that we can do to practice mindfulness.


1. Start a Gratitude and Self-love Journal

One part of mindfulness that we neglect is to spend time reflecting on is those positive moments and circumstances in our lives. It is so easy to get into a habitual mindset of all that we must worry about and all that is wrong — nothing could be more destructive.

There are a couple of things you can do about this. First, put a sign someplace prominent with the word “Gratitude” on it. Place it where you will see it every day, like the refrigerator. Make it big and colorful enough that you will notice it.

The second thing you can do is keep a positivity journal. Every night, take a few minutes and write just one or two things that made you happy that day, one or two things that you were grateful for, one or two things that you did that made someone else happy. When you are especially low or cannot think of anything, start reading the other pages.


2. Squeeze in a Short Meditation and Some Breathing Exercises During the Day

Meditating is not that difficult to learn. According to QuietKit, it can be something as simple as closing your eyes, getting your body quiet, and focusing on your breathing. One of the pieces of advice given to job candidates before they go in for an interview is to take several deep breaths. This is so calming.

During periods of great stress or anxiety or anger, stop. Close your eyes, take those deep breaths, and with each exhale, picture that negative feeling leaving your body. This will prevent you from acting impulsively and will “connect” you with your better self — someone who does not get upset, nervous, worried, or lash out at others. Negativity also impacts your health, especially your immune system. Don’t do this to yourself.


3. Increase Your Awareness

Ask yourself at several points throughout your day how you are feeling. Why is that feeling in the pit of your stomach? What is really bothering you? What is the reason for your lack of ease? When you can identify the real causes of your uneasiness, you can tackle them and counter them with thoughts of peace, with one of those quick meditations, with a happy memory, or by doing something randomly nice for someone else.Getting rid of negativity is something that we must push ourselves to do every day.



4. Master the Art of People Watching

This is fun and a wonderful diversion. And it develops some pretty important traits — observational skills, empathy, and great insight. When we observe others, we become much more accepting and non-judgmental, and when we can lose our need to judge others, we gain more peace.


5. Stop Rushing

This is very difficult for what we identify as Type “A” personalities — the people who are driven, the workaholics, the people who must speed through every day to get just a bit more accomplished. Of course, there are times when we must hurry. There are appointment times to keep, there are kids to get somewhere on time, and there are others counting on us to get something done. But to develop this as a habit means that we do not stop, breathe, go within, and get ourselves “grounded” with important priorities — peace, awareness of what is positive in our lives, and loving and doing for others.

Learning to slow down takes practice, and, yes, there are apps for that. A recent study conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health identified what these researchers believe are the best mindfulness apps that will help people slow down and listen to themselves. The apps that received the highest scores based upon specific factors all included the following:

  • Attention to breathing and breathing exercises
  • Body scans
  • Seated meditations (especially helpful at work)
  • Meditations through walking
  • Sending thoughts of love to the self and to others
  • Letting go of negative thoughts and feelings
  • Visualizations of the self as geographical features (e.g. mountains, lakes)

Other features included timers and reminders, which some find helpful. One free guided meditations for beginners that includes many of these features is QuietKit. If you are a beginner, this is an excellent place to start.


6. Become a Better Listener and Communicator

One of the great things that mindfulness accomplishes is that we become aware of the feelings of others as well as our own. When we do this, we are more willing to listen. Practicing the art of listening also means asking the questions that encourage others to express themselves in honest ways. It means developing trustful relationships with others and valuing them, though their views, principles, and values may be very different. When we do this, we open our hearts and minds. And our mindfulness of others improves cooperation, collaboration, and acceptance of one another.


Take Control Of Your Life

Are you a navigator of your life or do u just drift where life takes you?  Yes to a certain extent I do believe in destiny but to a larger extent I believe in taking life in our hands and handling it our way. There is no feeling so satisfying as knowing that you have chosen your own path in life and are living in accordance with your values.  How exactly should you start learning to steer your own course? Here are 3 things you need to give up immediately if you want to regain or start control of your life:


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