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Take Control Of Your Life

Are you a navigator of your life or do u just drift where life takes you?  Yes to a certain extent I do believe in destiny but to a larger extent I believe in taking life in our hands and handling it our way. There is no feeling so satisfying as knowing that you have chosen your own path in life and are living in accordance with your values.  How exactly should you start learning to steer your own course? Here are 3 things you need to give up immediately if you want to regain or start control of your life:


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Fear or phobia of death

In my clinical practice often see clients who develop fear or phobia of death. I usually want to ask them as to what the fear is all about and in one way or the other I do ask. The most common answer I get is the fear of end of this beautiful life.

My very close friend , TV actress Yesmeen Ismael died of ovarian cancer more then a decade ago. I remember my conversations with her.” Faisal it’s  a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 43 years of age. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family .I wanted my son and daughter to get married and have lots of kiddies around me.  That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right”. Each day of Yesmeen’s life brought her closer to the end.

I am in my 40s now. I but I am prepared to go( nothing is wrong with me so don’t freak out). It’s just that I’m ready. Though I love my life. I am happy and have achieved quite a bit of what I wanted .I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands. I know I have to go. Life is finite. The fact is that we ( most of us) are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability. When I want to talk about death to my clients it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us. I wish and want people to stop worrying so much about the end and the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

We humans generally believe that money can provide us happiness and equate success to the amount of money we have. Perhaps what we have forgotten is that all this money, all the materialistic things we have acquired, all the superficial friends we have who are attracted to us because of our status will be left behind. To me success is contentment and peace of mind. Besides this , I would also be contented if I could do what ever I could do for the afterlife.

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.  Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs,

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. |t’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to cany on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.  Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath , look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; ( no matter they are or they are not) just admire the creation of  nature, It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that – Let all that negativities go.. Believe you me you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. As we age and as most of us don’t take care of our selves, we witness our body waste away right before our eyes with nothing that we can do about it. Yes we can start taking care of it but we can’t get our youth back. As we age, it indicates that life has an end , and what ever materialistic things that we have collected will be left behind.

Build memories not materials. Maybe buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewelry for the next event. No-one remembers what materialistic thing u gave when, what one remembers is what kind deed u did at what time as that feels  good and leaves memories.

If you wanna do something for your dear one, take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Perhaps plan a friend/ family picnic.  Maybe buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.  Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting for you to come. You will gain respect if you give respect.  Good karma begets good. This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Evel), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse  purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do .

Get amongst nature.  Tryjust enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.  Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? l’ve never understood this about certain people. Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it  rises.  Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy.

My friends, you will not get this life again. Make the most of it. Invest less on materialistic things and invest more on memories and kind deeds. Some of you might not agree with me and this concept today, but maybe years down the lane. Take care.

Dr Mamsa


Dr F. Mamsa MD

What is Bipolar Disorder

People with bipolar disorder go through mood and emotional changes that are very different from their usual mood and behavior. These changes affect their lives and lives of people around them on a day-to-day basis.

These mood changes can be intense ( will be described later on) to mild. All that one needs to remember and understand is that to say that one has bipolar disorder , one needs to have a single episode of “mania” or “hypomania” in their life. Yes, just a single episode.

What is mania or hypomania, we will be describing them in coming days.

Testing for bipolar disorder isn’t as simple as taking a multiple choice test or sending blood to the lab. While bipolar disorder does show distinct symptoms, only an expert can diagnose bipolar disorder. Often, a combination of methods are used to make a diagnosis. A every day citizen cannot and should not diagnose someone as having bipolar disorder.

One needs to understand the exact diagnostic criteria and because there are several different types and only a trained psychiatrist or a psychologist can diagnose.

What exactly are the symptoms, we will be discussing in the coming days

What to do before diagnosis

Before you do self diagnosis or  diagnose someone near or dear to you , one should look for  rapidly changing moods and confusing emotions. It can be hard to describe exactly how one feel, but one would get to know that something isn’t right.

Bouts of sadness and hopelessness can become intense. It can feel as if you’re drowning in despair one moment, and then later on, you’re optimistic and full of energy.

Low emotional periods aren’t uncommon from time to time. Many people deal with these periods due to everyday stresses. However, emotional highs and lows associated with bipolar disorder can be more extreme. You may notice a change in your behavior, yet you’re powerless to help yourself. Friends and family may also notice changes. If you’re experiencing manic symptoms, you may not see the need to get help from a doctor. You may feel great and not understand the concerns of those around you until your mood shifts again.

Don’t ignore how you feel. See a doctor if extreme moods interfere with daily life or if you feel suicidal.

Mental health evaluation

A psychiatrist or psychologist will ask you questions to assess your overall mental health. Testing for bipolar disorder involves questions about symptoms: how long they’ve occurred, and how they may disrupt your life. The specialist will also ask you about certain risk factors for bipolar. This includes questions about family medical history and any history of drug abuse.

Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that’s known for its periods of both mania and depression. The diagnosis for bipolar disorder requires at least  one manic or hypomanic episode in a person’s life. Please keep in mind that without a manic or hypomanic episode, one cannot be diagnosed as having bipolar disorder.

You or your dear one might have depression or not. For that matter a person might have many depressive episodes but unless there is an episode of mania or hypomania, one cannot be diagnosed.

Only a trained mental health specialist can diagnose this illness. So here I would like to advice you that if you are suspecting yourself or your dear one, please go to a trained psychiatrist who gives time to you or to a trained clinical psychologist.

There are certain questions to be asked and those only a trained psychiatrist or a psychologist can ask and come with diagnosis.

Your mental health specialist will ask about your thoughts and feelings during and after these episodes. They’ll want to know if you feel in control during the mania and how long the episodes last. They might ask your permission to ask friends and family about your behavior. Any diagnosis will take into account other aspects of your medical history and medications you’ve taken.

To be exact with a diagnosis, doctors use the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). The DSM provides a technical and detailed description of bipolar disorder. Here’s a breakdown of some of the terms and symptoms used to diagnose the condition.


The DSM defines mania as a “distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood.” The episode must last at least a week. The mood must have at least three of the following symptoms or four if the mood is irritable

  • Increased energy
  • high self-esteem
  • little need for sleep
  • increased rate of speech (talking fast)
  • flight of ideas
  • getting easily distracted
  • an increased interest in goals or activities
  • psychomotor agitation (pacing, hand wringing, etc.)
  • increased pursuit of activities with a high risk of danger
  • These symptoms should interfere with social or occupational activities or might require the patient to be hospitalized.


The DSM defines mania as a “distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood or irritable mood and abnormally high energy level. The episode must last at least 4 consecutive days and must be present most of the day nearly every day. The mood must have at least three of the following symptoms or four if the mood is irritable

  • Increased energy
  • high self-esteem
  • little need for sleep
  • increased rate of speech (talking fast)
  • flight of ideas
  • getting easily distracted
  • an increased interest in goals or activities
  • psychomotor agitation (pacing, hand wringing, etc.)
  • increased pursuit of activities with a high risk of danger
However in hypomania, the mood disturbance does not interfere with social, occupational or interpersonal activities.

We will be providing you with more info in the coming days.


The DSM states that a major depressive episodemust have at least four of the following symptoms. They should be new or suddenly worse, and must last for at least two weeks:

  • changes in appetite or weight, sleep, or psychomotor activity
  • decreased energy
  • feelings of worthlessness or guilt
  • trouble thinking, concentrating, or making decisions
  • thoughts of death or suicidal plans or attempts

Suicide prevention

If you think someone is at immediate risk of self-harm or hurting another person:

  • Call 911 or your local emergency number.
  • Stay with the person until help arrives.
  • Remove any guns, knives, medications, or other things that may cause harm.
  • Listen, but don’t judge, argue, threaten, or yell.

Dr F. Mamsa MD


Clinical Depression is the presence of depressive manifestations that ascent to the level of major depressive issue, a psychological instability. Clinical Depression characterizes the state in which the depression symptoms must be dealt with by a specialist.

The reasons for clinical depression are not particularly characterized. Be that as it may, as with the causes of depression in general, the reasons for clinical depression are believed to be a blend of hereditary, natural and ecological components.

Clinical Depression Symptoms

The signs and symptoms of clinical depression are often first noticed as physical complaints. These physical ailments may be the clinical depression symptoms first presented to a doctor. Physical complaints of those clinically depressed includes:

  • Headaches
  • Stomach pain
  • Fatigue
  • Weight change
  • Trouble sleeping

It is only later, generally during a diagnostic interview, that the classic symptoms of clinical depression, such as sadness and a lack of pleasure, become clear. See more on the symptoms of depression here.


Clinical Depression Treatment

Treatment for clinical depression is typically begun with the prescription of an antidepressant. Many types of antidepressants are available, but doctors generally use a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) as the frontline treatment. They include fluoxetine (Prozac), paroxetine (Paxil), fluvoxamine (Luvox), citalopram (Celexa), and escitalopram (Lexapro). Several medications may have to be tried in order to successfully treat clinical depression. Types of antidepressants other than SSRIs may also be used.

Clinical depression is also treated with psychotherapy, often in combination with medication. Several types of therapy have been shown to be useful. Psychotherapy used in the treatment of clinical depression includes:

  1. Cognitive behavioral therapy
  2. Interpersonal therapy
  3. Family therapy

What is Depression and Anxiety

Depression and anxiety are sometimes confused. In fact, I have noticed that people come to me and say that they have depression but upon evaluation, I find out that it is something else. While depression and anxiety are different medical conditions, they share similarities. The symptoms, causes, and treatments of depression and anxiety can overlap. It’s also not unusual for people to suffer from both depression and anxiety.


When we have depression, everything can feel very muted and dull. We often feel very low and sad. We cry easily. It feels as if one has no energy, drive, and motivation. Everything can feel much slowed down, including our thoughts and reactions to things.

When we have anxiety, everything can feel much heightened. We often feel very jittery and on edge. Our thoughts can speed up and it can feel as though our reactions to everything can feel very extreme.

The Difference Between Depression And Anxiety

While these initial descriptions seem distinct, depression and anxiety do share some symptoms. Issues like irritability, nervousness, noise sensitivity arise with both conditions. Problems with concentration, eating and sleep can come with both depression and anxiety.

While these symptoms can feel like, they may present themselves for different reasons.  With noise sensitivity, someone with depression might need absolute quiet. They might find that even the tiniest sounds feel incredibly loud. With anxiety, it could be that our thoughts are already so loud that adding in another noise can tip us over the edge.


Sometimes the symptoms of depression and anxiety can feed into each other.

As an example: depression can cause low mood and low energy, which makes it hard to leave the house. When do eventually come to leave the house, we feel really anxious and panicky. We might worry about not having the energy to complete our trip, or about seeing someone we know and having an awkward conversation. These anxieties might prevent us from going out, further contributing to our low mood and feelings of isolation.

In cases like this, it’s hard to know whether our symptoms are depression or anxiety based because they are so interlinked and it is best to let the psychiatrist evaluate it. If depression has been present for a while and remains untreated anxiety may generate as to why is it not getting well and vice versa.


There isn’t a single, straightforward cause for either depression or anxiety. Life events can trigger both. Stress, low self-esteem, and long-term physical health conditions can play a part. Our genes can also contribute to our likelihood of developing either condition.

There’s still a lot of research to do about the biology of depression and anxiety. However, it’s thought that imbalances in our brain chemicals can contribute to both.

Evidence suggests that low levels of serotonin and dopamine can contribute to depression. Norepinephrinecan also plays a part in depression, though research varies. There’s some evidence that low levels of norepinephrine contribute to depression. But some depressed people show hyperactivity within the neurons producing norepinephrine.

It’s thought that an imbalance of serotonin and norepinephrine causes anxiety. Anxious people also show over activity in areas of the brain involved in emotions and behavior. However, no one particular chemical is responsible for causing both these conditions.


Treatments for depression and anxiety vary, depending on our symptoms and circumstances.  However medication and talking therapies are commonly offered for both.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is widely used for both anxiety and depression. Mindfulness can also help both conditions.

Some medications, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are prescribed for both anxiety and depression. Similarly, serotonin and norepinephrine re uptake inhibitors are commonly used for the treatment of depression and different types of anxiety disorders.

Other medications, such as pregabalin or benzodiazapinesare only used for anxiety. Some other antidepressants are only prescribed for depression.


Whether we suffer from depression or anxiety – or both – help is available to us. We most commonly discuss our medical conditions with our general physicians hence in most of the cases help is readily available. However if you think that your condition is much more complicated, please don’t shy to visit a psychiatrist.

Depression and anxiety are both serious conditions. We don’t need to struggle alone. We deserve help, whatever difficulties we’re facing.

What is the difference b/w a Sociopath and a Physcopaths?

Psychopath and sociopath are popular psychology terms to describe violent monsters born of our worst nightmares. Think Hannibal Lecterin in the movie, Silence of the Lambs (1991), Norman Bates in the movie, Psycho(1960) and Annie Wilkes in the movie Misery (1990). In making these characters famous, popular culture has also burned the words used to describe them into our collective consciousness.

Most of us, fortunately, will never meet a Hannibal Lecter, but psychopaths and sociopaths certainly do exist in our society. And they hide among us. Sometimes as the most successful people in society because they’re often cruel, insensitive and have no soft feelings from inside and superficially ( in front of the others ) they are very charming while having little or no regard for needs of others. If they want their work done, they would be the sweetest and most charming person but as soon as their work is done, they lose their interest in you.

These are known as “successful” psychopaths, as they have a tendency to perform premeditated (pre planned) crimes with calculated risk. Or they may manipulate someone else into breaking the law while keeping them safely at a distance. They’re master manipulators of other peoples’ feelings but are unable to experience emotions themselves.
Sound like someone you know? Your boyfriend? Your husband? You’re in laws and for that matter your very own government. Well, heads up. You do know one; at least one. In the western societies, they may come in somewhere between 0.2% and 3.3% of the population. However in Pakistan, just look around yourself and you will get an answer.
If you’re worried about yourself, you can take an informal online quiz to find out, but before you click on that quiz let me tell you that you’re not a psychopath or sociopath. If you were, you probably wouldn’t be interested in taking that test.
Let’s say you have a personality flaw, you just wouldn’t be that self-aware or concerned about it that you have character flaws. And even if you would know about your personality flaw, you would be least interested in correcting it. At times both psychopathy and sociopathy are interchangeable names however the term is known as “antisocial personality disorders” stands more for psychopaths, which are long-term mental and personal health conditions.
What’s the difference?
1- Psychopaths and sociopaths share a number of characteristics, including a lack of remorse or empathy for others, a lack of guilt or ability to take responsibility for their actions, a disregard for laws or social conventions, and an inclination to violence. A core feature of both is a deceitful( being a fraud) and manipulative nature. But how can we tell them apart?
Sociopaths are normally less emotionally stable and highly impulsive ( they just jump into getting things they want)– their behavior tends to be more erratic( not well planned) than psychopaths. When committing crimes – either violent or non-violent – sociopaths will act more on compulsion. And they will lack patience, giving in much more easily to impulsiveness and lacking detailed planning.
Psychopaths, on the other hand, will plan their crimes down to the smallest detail, taking calculated risks to avoid detection. The smart ones will leave few clues that may lead to being caught. Psychopaths don’t get carried away in the moment and make fewer mistakes as a result. If they get caught, they will make another plan and avoid the mistakes that they did this time so in the future they don’t get caught.
2-Both act on a continuum of behaviours, and many psychologists still debate whether the two should be differentiated at all. But for those who do differentiate between the two, one thing is largely agreed upon: psychiatrists use the term psychopathy to illustrate that the cause of the anti-social personality disorder is hereditary. Sociopathy describes behaviours that are the result of something lacking in nurturing a child, lack of teaching what is right or what is wrong, abuse and/or neglect in childhood.
Psychopaths are born and sociopaths are made. In essence, their difference reflects the nature versus nurture debate.
There’s a particularly interesting link between serial killers and psychopaths or sociopaths – although, of course, not all psychopaths and sociopaths become serial killers. And not all serial killers are psychopaths or sociopaths.
Extensive investigation and studied were conducted by America’s Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and it has been noted that certain traits shared between known serial killers and these anti-social personality disorders. These include predatory behaviour(for instance, Ivan Milat, who hunted and murdered his seven victims); also sensation-seeking (think hedonistic killers who murder for excitement or arousal, such as 21-year-old Thomas Hemming who, in 2014, murdered two people just to know what it felt like to kill); lack of remorse; impulsivity; and the need for control or power over others (such as Dennis Rader, an American serial killer who murdered ten people between 1974 and 1991, and became known as the “BTK (bind, torture, kill) killer”).
3-A textbook psychopath, ( that is the ones described in books) would, If a psychopath gets caught or if their plan is sabotaged, will go on to kill again or continue their crime again unless they are in prison or in jail from which they cannot get out. Whereas if sociopaths are caught, they might have remorse, they can be treated with medication and psychotherapy and they will learn that perhaps what they did was wrong. But, would u like to trust such a person again? I leave this question to you to answer it.
In my opinion – sociopaths are much more common in our society. They might not necessarily take lives( unless they r caught in action like motorbike guys who shoot if what they want is not given).
In the end, does the distinction between a psychopath and sociopath matter? They can both be dangerous and even deadly, the worst wreaking havoc with people’s lives. Or they can spend their lives among people who are none the wiser for it.
What I want you to understand from this article is that in today’s Pakistan, not everyone can be trusted. Your boy friend, your husband, your boss or your in laws might come across very charming but who they actually are, you might find later. It is always better to get to know the people before you join ties with them.

How to become better and more successful

Self actualization. It’s the process of becoming the best possible version of yourself, and it’s what we all want – whether or not we realize it.Self actualization. It’s the process of becoming the best possible version of yourself, and it’s what we all want – whether or not we realize it.
The theory of self actualization was proposed by a psychologist named Abraham Maslow 1, and he believed that people who had achieved it were:
• Completely self-accepting
• Not afraid to take risks and step into the unknown
• Grateful and able to fully enjoy each moment
• Motivated by growth and development
• Capable of deep, meaningful relationships

Sounds pretty good, right? Achieving self actualization requires a lot of hard work and dedication, but it is possible. However, there are a few actions that completely destroy your chances of achieving self actualization. You could be doing everything else right, but if you don’t give up these bad habits then you’ll never be able to reach your full potential and be more successful.Are you guilty of any of the self-defeating habits listed below?
Putting others above yourself

You plan a day of relaxation and fun, filled with activities you’re passionate about. Then, you get a phone call. “Can you cover today or can you do this for me?” “I know you said you were busy, but I really need your help.” “My boyfriend just broke up with me. Can you come over?”
Someone who respects their own time will think carefully before giving it up for someone else. While it’s great to help others, neglecting your own needs in the process can seriously hinder your journey to self actualization and more success.
If you’re the type of person who just can’t say no to people, ask yourself why. Here are some common reasons to consider:
• You’re afraid people will stop liking you.
• You feel guilty when you do things for yourself.
• You aren’t comfortable being alone.
• You don’t value your own time.
• You prioritize other peoples’ needs over your own.

Making time for yourself is absolutely essential if you want to grow and develop. Don’t be afraid to say no – it doesn’t make you a bad person. You have to start loving yourself more then you love most of the other people.Take baby steps and practice how to say no to others.

Getting scared and censoring yourself
Self-censorship means stopping yourself from saying what you really mean, and it usually comes from fear. “Is what I’m saying stupid?” “What would my friends/partner/parents think of this?” “I should just keep quiet.”
Fear of criticism plays a big part in self-censorship, but many of us are afraid to be honest even when alone. To overcome this, try writing daily in a notebook that only you will read. Write anything you want, no matter how weird, stupid, or embarrassing. Don’t look back through what you’ve written if you think it will put you off – just keep writing.
Keep up with this practice and you’ll soon find that you’re more able to be honest and open in the rest of your life. Only by allowing our true, uncensored selves to break free can we achieve self actualization.
Giving in to the pressure to fit in
Self-actualization is not about fitting in or being accepted by others. The true version of you might not be liked by everyone, and that’s okay. Trying too hard to fit in can destroy what makes you unique, and make you feel fake and unhappy.
Stay true to yourself no matter what other people say by following these tips:

• Be clear on your values.
• Always think before you act. If you have a bad feeling about something, don’t do it.
• Don’t give up on your dreams because somebody else doesn’t believe they’ll work out.
• Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage you.
• Forget trying to make other people like you. Don’t change who you are just to please someone else.

The journey to self actualization isn’t easy, but it is worth it. Avoid self-sabotage by staying true to yourself, making your needs a priority and letting go of fear. It’s a long topic but at least the journey starts from here. Try to apply this in your life.

Child Abuse

Child sexual abuse is a form of sexual abuse that includes sexual activity with a minor. A child cannot consent to any form of sexual activity, period. When a perpetrator engages with a child this way, they are committing a crime that can have lasting effects on the victim for years. Child sexual abuse does not need to include physical contact (sexual intercourse) between a perpetrator and a child. Some forms of child sexual abuse include:

-Exhibitionism, or exposing oneself to a minor
-Fondling, that is letting the kid to touch
-Perpetrator intentionally touching the kid’s private parts
-Masturbation in the presence of a minor or forcing the minor to masturbate.
-Calling a minor and talking sexual stuff, text messages, or digital interaction (showing porn over phone) are also included in it.
– Producing, Owning, or sharing pornographic images or movies of children
-Sex of any kind with a minor, including vaginal, oral, or anal
-Sex trafficking
-Any other sexual conduct that is harmful to a child’s mental, emotional, or physical welfare

Children who are abused sexually do not loudly complain. At times the kid is totally clueless as to what happened. Make the kid talk. In our society, even if they tell their parents, they ask the kid to be quiet (something very common). One needs to observe the child. The victim can become withdrawn, the victim can lose appetite, would cry easily, would not want to meet other people.

Please, just observe the signs. U will get subtle clues. Be your kid’s friend, so they can confide in you. If the kid expresses what he or she underwent) do not push it under the rug. No matter how close the perpetrator may be, act. Don’t be scared.

Your child would require therapy. Please take your kid for psychotherapy and if u don’t know how to react, please visit a counselor. External wounds get healed easily, emotional trauma takes time and that too with the right technique. Please don’t take this easily. Seek help.

Gossip – why do we do it?

Gossip – why do we do it?

The person who is laughing out loud, capturing the attention of everyone in the room while gossiping about someone is not as happy as she /he seems.

From the outside that person might appear super strong, very popular, interesting and in full control but if you peaked inside his/her mind at the time that person was gossiping you would have found things that you would have never expected to find.

You would have found low self-esteem, jealousy, envy, inadequate as a human being, frustration, anger and weakness. Let’s check out some of the factors and facts why people gossip:

1.Culturally in our country everyone gossips, and in a malicious way.

2.Previously it was assumed that women would gossip but men gossip as much hence gossip is not confined to a gender

  1. Most of our elders gossiped hence it’s not considered wrong as we have seen them doing it and most of them have not thought us that gossip is wrong. Although it is very wrong.
  2. Why do they have it and I don’t. I couldn’t do anything at that time, now I will tear that person here – a gossiper’s mentality.
  3. I am worthy, believe me!! – a gossiper’s strategy.

6- I am jealous or envious – In a gossiper’s mind

7- This is the way I can create my acceptance.

  1. No, it’s not related to boredom. It’s a habit.

9-I’m right about that person. I am right and person do have flaws that I / we can make fun of.

10-  how dare she proves me wrong!!! Now it’s my turn.

11- how dare is she or he successful in life. Let me show them that their real flaws by telling everyone about their flaws

12 -at times gossip mongers spread stories which are totally untrue but they have a make belief system that they are right and they should tell everyone.

More things to be noted about these individuals are:

Basically, it’s about not considering and accepting that “gossip” is wrong but they think that this is a time to prove that everyone else is wrong.

A lot of people are not happy looking at other person’s success, love, achievement and need a moment to spread venom against them and when a few toxic people get together, shredding another human being becomes the easiest.

Have you come across people in big settings who are doing politics and have groups, that is because they don’t have the potential to go up the ladder by themselves and so they think they should not let anyone else grow too.

Facebook has become a medium to talk about others and specially if the chat is open to everyone. Here all the toxic minded people get together, and support each other’s toxic mindset. At times these people support each other just for the sake of being supportive.

Most importantly, gossiping about others is also because their own lives probably empty and have nothing constructive to talk about (Art, Literature, Self-Growth, History and they do not have any Hobbies) hence they talk about others.

A jealous person will hear only selected part of what the other person said. They would then manipulate, add a lot of false statements and spread the news.

Even educated people have started doing negative gossiping about others just because they need to bad mouth or they want to defame others.

The main thing is we should abstain from what is wrong. Just keep in mind, if one person gossips about others in front of you, she can gossip about u to others as well.

Focus on self-growth, focus on evolving as a better human being and becoming a better person in life should be the aim.


How to grow as human beings

One of the most deflating feelings to our self worth and life paths is stagnancy. We can float through life as though we know enough, and for some, that is sufficient. Some of the greatest moments in our life revolve around learning something, no matter how small it may be. The light-bulb moments we all encounter when learning something new light up our lives with the hope that there is always more. That is why remaining stagnant can often feel dark, and lonely.

To learn is to grow. The taller our knowledge, the closer we are to the sun. Our lives must remain bright so that our minds can be bright as well. To assume that we know enough would be dim, because knowledge is the fuel that lights our minds, keeping us aware and alert.

As this concept applies to all things secular, it also applies to spiritual pursuit and personal growth, relationships, and self worth. A man may believe that he is educated beyond belief and is smarter than those around him, but only the truly great understand that isn’t the case. We have the opportunity to learn from each person we encounter, no matter age nor education. A sharp mind may be filled with experiences from it’s own life, but can not forget that other minds hold experiences his own will never encounter. Relationships help us learn not only through love and friendship, but through experiences and insights we could not see ourselves. Someone out there, right now is experiencing something you can’t even fathom, and to rule out the idea that you could potentially meet them and learn from them would keep you from learning and sparking that light in your mind. It is true that relationships and experiences with those you love are truly the greatest opportunities to thrive.

One of the problems with the society we live in today is our ability to lead others to believe that they know everything about us.

We are infinite. Personal growth makes us leave something behind. Don’t just drift in life, absorb knowledge and leave a mark.

How to be optimistic

In these turbulent times, it may be a struggle to maintain a glass half full view of life. A research just released by a New York based company indicated that most humans came out of 2016 feeling pretty discouraged. It indeed was a tough year for some of us however, a lot of those surveyed said they expect their own lives to improve in 2017. If you are among this majority, it may serve you well. A growing body of research indicates that optimism — a sense everything will be OK — is linked to a reduced risk of developing mental or physical health issues as well as to an increased chance of a longer life. One of the largest such studies was led by researchers Dr. Kaitlin Hagan and Dr. Eric Kim at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health.

When you’ve been wronged, feelings of anger and a sense of injustice can run deep — and can be hard to shake. Even if you know that forgiving could help, doing it sometimes seems impossible. But the truth is, forgiveness has helped many people to move on from similar situations. So, it’s worth considering. To be clear, forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting the past. It is also not about letting someone off the hook for the consequences of their actions. Whether you forgive or not does not have to change your efforts to seek justice through the legal system, if that’s relevant to your situation. Instead, forgiveness is about freeing yourself from your struggles and finding peace.

Forgiveness is a Choice. Uncovering negative feelings: The first step in forgiveness is to honestly examine (as objectively as possible) the true nature of the offense and who is responsible, the direct consequences of the offense, and the various ramifications of the offense. It can take a lot of work to acknowledge and process feelings, such as anger, betrayal, hurt, fear, or guilt. Other issues you may need to consider are how the offense has affected your life, your sense of safety in the world, and your perception of justice.

One of the largest such studies was led by researchers Dr. Kaitlin Hagan and Dr. Eric Kim at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. Their team analyzed data from 70,000 women in the Nurses’ Health Study, and found that women who were optimistic had a significantly reduced risk of dying from several major causes of death over an eight—year period, compared with women who were less optimistic. The most optimistic women had a 16% lower risk of dying from cancer; 38% lower risk of dying from heart disease; 39% lower risk of dying from stroke; 38% lower risk of dying from respiratory disease; and 52% lower risk of dying from infection. Yes, you can acquire optimism. Even if you consider yourself pessimist, there’s hope. Dr. Hagan notes that a few simple changes can help people improve your outlook on life. Previous studies have shown that optimism can be instilled by something as simple as “having people think about the best possible outcomes in various areas of their |ives,”she says. The following may help you see the world through rosier glasses:

  1. Accentuate the positive. Keep a journal. In each entry, underline the good things that have happened, as well as things you’ve enjoyed and concentrate on them. Consider how they came about and what you can do to keep them coming.
  2. Eliminate the negative. If you find yourself ruminating on things or events , actively stop yourself.
  3. Uncovering negative feelings: The first step in forgiveness is to honestly examine your own feelings and letting go of things you cannot control.
  4. Be easier on yourself. Self-compassion is a characteristic shared by most optimists. You can be kind to yourself by taking good care of your body, eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Take stock of your assets and concentrate on them. Finally, try to forgive yourself for past transgressions (real or imagined) and move on.
  5. Learn mindfulness. Adopting the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment and accepting it without judgment can go a long way in helping you deal with unpleasant events. If you need help, many health centers now offer mindfulness training. There are also a multitude of books and videos to guide you. Related Information: Positive Psychology: Harnessing the power of happiness,… m Share Print . Print Related Posts: Health benefits of hiking: Raise your heart rate and your… Being part of a walking group yields wide—ranging health… How simply moving can benefit your mental health The latest ways to relieve the burden of decision—making others take responsibility , that is delegate . It can take a lot of work to acknowledge and process feelings, such as anger, betrayal, hurt, fear, or guilt. Other issues you may need to consider are how the offense has affected your life, your sense of safety in the world, and your perception of justice.
  6. Deciding to forgive: This decision will probably only come after you realize that your current reactions are hurting you and that you want to stop the pain. Then you must be open to the idea that forgiveness offers a way out of that pain. So, you need to ask yourself, “Am I ready to begin the path of forgiveness?” Working toward understanding the offending person: You can start changing how you feel by learning to see the person who hurt you differently. The more you can understand their experience, the more you will see that person as a person — not just as bad or mean. This can be extremely uncomfortable, to say the least. The more awful the act, the more likely that the offender was driven by pain or emotional distress. Understanding and relating to that experience is itself painful, so many people retreat to simply seeing the offender having malicious intentions, or even as a monster.

In addition, working toward forgiveness means that you need to fully face your own experience of how the offending act has harmed you. This takes great courage, emotional strength, and commitment. Discovery and release: Once you can truly understand the offending person as a human being with human flaws, then you will experience empathy and even compassion. You may also find meaning and purpose in having unjustly suffered. For instance, some women who were victims of domestic violence have found meaning in being advocates for others in such circumstances. importantly, in this phase, you will realize you are not alone in unjustly suffering, and you will find that forgiveness gives you a sense of freedom.

In the end all I ask you is to think, constant rumination, is it providing u with any positive energy? Or that if you put the matter aside and think that you cannot control your past, what you can control is your present and your future. Improve your current by putting all the negativity aside and start seeing your glass half full. Your future depends on your current choices, so why not make a choice keeping bad experiences aside , yet learn a lesson to not make the same mistake again. Just keep in mind that the word ” impossible” can be broken down to ” IM Possible” and start a new day. Let bygone be bygone, it’s all under the bridge. Tomorrow is a new day and make the most of tonight. As this time will never come again, so take life in a positive way. All the best for your future endeavors.